lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
