My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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