The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
