Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
