i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
