He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize