I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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