I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize