so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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