He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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