Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
