he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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