I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
