I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In other news, I just burned my penis
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
