i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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