dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
