dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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