didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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