But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
