remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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