There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My vagina just clenched in fear
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
