I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
