I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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