jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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