Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
