Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
