She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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