i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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