He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
