then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
