i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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