so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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