well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
