Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize