I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
