You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
