Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
