she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
