Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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