The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
