So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
