I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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