my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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