No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
