If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
