i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
