I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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