new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
