I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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