I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
