Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
