Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
