Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
