I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
