Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
