I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
