Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
