Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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