No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
