Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
