I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
