You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
