I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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