shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
