is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize