So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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