I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
