my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
