that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize