Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
