im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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