I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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