i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
