actually, I'm a sock model
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
