WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
