just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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