im drinking this country out of the recession.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
