So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
