I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
