So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
