i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
