'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
