I hope mine doesn't look like that
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize