Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
