Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Boobs are out for the taking
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
