Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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