my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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