I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
