i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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