You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
