When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
