I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drunk is not a location!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize