Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
