Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
