i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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