he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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