So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
