a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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