i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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