I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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