His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
