Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize